North Dundas’ neighbour to the west – North Grenville – has been saddened by the recent news of a few young lives lost too soon, two of which can be attributed to suicide. When it comes to mental health, even the most uncomfortable topics must be discussed openly.
“Suicide contagion” is a phenomenon wherein one death by suicide increases the likelihood that others who knew the lost individual (even just as an acquaintance) will attempt or complete suicide shortly thereafter. The phenomenon is rare, but documented, and young people are at a higher risk than older people.
Why is this important right now? Because other psychology research shows that, despite an unfortunate myth, talking about suicide will not cause suicidal thoughts. Many parents and educators have – since time immemorial – mistakenly worried that a discussion of suicide could inadvertently “give someone the idea” to take their one life. The opposite is true.
Suicide is a permanent and devastating non-solution (though mistakenly seen as a solution) to a temporary problem. Those who are suicidal may wish to take their own life as a way of showing those around them how bad their hurt has been, or as a way to make the hurt stop. A simple reminder from a parent or another caring adult can help a suicidal youth remember that a suicide brings about immense pain – never hope, peace or understanding.
When a person has reached the point of suicidal thoughts, they are often thinking through the context of intense emotions and a loss of hope for a better future. Sometimes, judgement is clouded to the point that the person may not fully grasp the reality that they won’t be around after to see if their perceived “solution” worked.
Providing these reminders to your child will not “give them the idea” of suicide. These are helpful reality checks from which a person who is mentally unwell can truly benefit.
How can you start such a conversation? Be direct. There is no need to tiptoe. Reassure your child that they are not in trouble, and ask how their mental health has been. Ask specifically about suicidal thoughts and ideation. Teenagers experience many big emotions due to hormonal changes in their bodies, and the social pressures of high school and self-discovery, so having some occasional fleeting thoughts about suicide is common in some teenagers. The best thing that you can do is remind your child that suicide is never a solution to any problem, and that you will be there to support them should they ever have dark thoughts. Remind them that they are not alone, and that they will never be in trouble for asking for help, even in their worst moments.
While low-level suicidal ideation is often manageable with frequent check-ins and emotional support, more serious suicidal thoughts require intervention. If you suspect that your child may be contemplating suicide, ask direct questions. Have they ever come up with a partial or full plan for how they would end their life? Have they ever written a suicide note? Have they ever researched suicide methods on the internet? If your child answers yes to these questions, you are urged to seek mental health supports for them immediately.
If you suspect that your child would not open up to you about suicidal intentions, there are signs that you can look out for instead. Those seriously contemplating suicide may sell or give away things that are important to them to “keep them in good hands”. They may begin apologizing to multiple people for past wrongs, either real or perceived, in order to make peace. They may begin acting more emotionally distant or secluded. Always pay attention to these changes, and seek help if needed.
For any immediate suicide risk, call 9-1-1.
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868
Child, Youth, and Family Crisis Line for Eastern Ontario: 1-877-377-7775
Mental Health Crisis Line (16+): 1-866-996-0991