Have you ever been in a situation where you are about to reveal something in a conversation that you probably shouldn’t, and you stop yourself? It goes something like: “Well actually, do you know why she got fired? I couldn’t believe it, the person who was her supervisor at the time told me… oh you know what, never mind.”
If there was ever a comment that can never be “never minded”, it’s the dreaded “never mind”, when a person knows they were about to hear a piece of gossip or a big reveal. Why? Curiosity. It’s present in all of us, but certainly in some more than others. Last week, a two vehicle accident on County Road 31 north of Winchester showed us all the ugly side of curiosity. As is becoming all too common, photos and details were being shared on social media within minutes. Those who post crash scene photos, or share detailed descriptions of the vehicles or people involved, only do so because they know they have an audience – a big one.
Who could ever possibly want to see or know such things? First responders live their lives wishing they could unsee and forget such traumatic scenes, while social media users are drooling at their keyboards waiting for the next gory shot.
It’s easy to identify social media users who are taking a journey aboard the curiosity train. A comment on an ambiguous post will read something like, “Oh I hope everyone is okay. What happened?!” You can almost hear the heavy breathing coming from the other side of the keyboard as they simply must know every “juicy” detail.
Part of the reason I am the way I am is, I think, because of my training as a counsellor. In counselling, the client’s needs are paramount. Imagine being in a session with your therapist, and there is a detail of your life that you are just not ready to share at this moment, but the therapist is pressuring you like an immature teenager. “C’mon please, just tell me!” No – when it comes to running therapy sessions, you get used to the idea that it’s only your business if the client wants to make it your business. You also get used to the feeling of not wanting a big reveal to be something bad when a client does speak up.
There are things I have heard, particularly from children and teens, as a counsellor, and even as an educator, that I’m glad no one else has had to hear. My dad was a volunteer firefighter for 11 years of my childhood before retiring. It only struck me years later how many people he must have seen that had just died gruesome deaths. He never talked about it, nor did he share any details, and, I may once again be in the minority, but – I don’t ever want to know a thing. The best first responders, in my opinion, are those that understand that theirs is a job that needs doing, but that no good can come from sharing details with others of the atrocities they witness. Carrying such a burden is as noble as I can imagine.
Why can’t we share accident photos or details, even when they don’t reveal anything gory? Basic human decency, that’s why. It’s the same reason why my sons – who have never been to church a day in their lives – will instinctively reach for the volume nob in my truck and turn down our pounding music when passing a congregation outside of a place of worship. It may be a funeral or a memorial service, after all, and they were taught that you respect others, no matter what. For many, many decades, first responders have been trained in handling next-of-kin notifications in the most delicate way possible. A person does not need to find out through a social media post that their parent, or child, or sibling, or best friend was just killed.
Canada is, of course, a free country. There is nothing to stop anyone from taking photos in public places, even at accident scenes, and sharing them publicly. This is why it is up to ordinary people to hold ourselves to high standards. We shouldn’t feel the need to spread gossip or information that ought not to be shared, and when such information is shared, we must take a moral stand and refuse to let our curiosity get the better of us. This latter point may be easier for someone who is not naturally curious, but the rule applies equally to everyone nonetheless.
We talk about “blessings in disguise”; well, there is such a thing as a curse in disguise as well. Curiosity certainly facilitates research and learning, and sometimes a genuine concern for others, but too much of a good thing quickly becomes a bad thing. Even in small towns, where everyone seems to know everyone and everything, we must sometimes be willing to turn our curiosity off. Your desire to be entertained by “juicy details” is easily seen as reprehensible when you realize the details are of a reality that a parent just lost their child.
It’s time to turn over a new leaf. When you come across an accident scene or a road barrier, make a point to be thankful that you are safe, and then check privately on your loved ones. When you know you and yours are safe, give space and respect for those who weren’t so lucky today, because there is no better day than today to expect more from yourself.